I was just waking up to a different tap of song that I need not i knew the band from 2000s and from the metal fest.

"Hey, hey, hey

Here I go now

Here I go into new days

Hey, hey, hey

Here I go now

Here I go into new days

I'm pain, I'm hope, I'm suffering

Yeah, hey, hey, hey, yeah, yeah

Here I go into new days

Hey, hey, hey

Ain't no mercy

Ain't no mercy there for me

Hey, hey, hey

Ain't no mercy

Ain't no mercy there for me

I'm pain, I'm hope, I'm suffer

Yeah, yeah, hey, hey no mercy

Ain't no mercy there for me

Do you bury me when I'm gone

Do you teach me while I'm here

Just as soon as I belong

Then it's time I disappear

Ha!

Hey, hey, hey

And I went

And I went on down that road

Hey, hey, hey

And I went on

And I went on down that road

I'm pain, I'm hope, I'm suffer

Hey, hey, hey, yeah, and I went on

And I went on down that road

Do you bury me when I'm gone

Do you teach me while I'm here

Just as soon as I belong

Then it's time I disappear

Do you bury me when I'm gone

Do you teach me while I'm here

Just as soon as I belong

Then it's time I disappear

Disappear, huh!

I'm gone, I'm gone

I'm gone

Oh yeah, I'm gone

I'm gone

I'm gone baby

I'm gone, I'm gone

Do you bury me when I'm gone

Do you teach me while I'm here

Just as soon as I belong

Then it's time I disappear

Do you bury me when I'm gone

Do you teach me while I'm here

Just as soon as I belong

Then it's time I disappear

Disappear."

That was Metallica, I was groggery from sleep that being said.  I remembered Jackie and how great she was.   But I did not expect the person to be sleeping next to me.

She woke up, "Hey bae!"

"Hey," I said.  "How are you!!!!"

She kissed me, "I slept well."

"Me too," I said.  But there was this need to know what Lilly was doing.   She was still taking up real estate in my head.   That fact that she chose Micheal I stead of me and started to prefer men of women.  

*"They do this after lunch every day!" The TSA agent said.  My pupils  dilated, and I ran to find her making love with her supervisor. And from the looks of it, they were passionate lovers.

"Lilly," I yelled.  "Where are you."

She did not answer.  Soon, I barged into the  one search room and found them in a love act. 

"What the hell, Lilly!?"

"I am so sorry to do this to you."

"Yes, again!!!!"

That was when the middle-aged guy, who was her boss, was  getting hot under the collar.  "We are in love. She was going to break it off with you!"

"Yeah, but she forgot!"  I say.  "Again!"

That was when I decided to focus on ontje giant shark that was coming pur way.

"Dimwit, there's a shark coming," I said to her boss.  "Do you even care." 

"Jimmy, I decided not to care at this point," Lilly said.  "You have been obsessed with these sharks since day one.  And now I am happy for once."

She looked like she was going to cry at this point.   "How happy are you if you're going Around my back with this nerd!"

"Fuck you!" Said the guy.

"Now I just don't give a damn!" I screamed. 

"You have to accept that I am with Micheal."*

I was getting annoyed with this memory.  It was more than a memory I'd like to forget.  It was starting to be a flashback.   I never thought that she would trigger a mini ptsd.  But it looked like that.   Damn it felt like ptsd.

"Ummmm," Jackie asked.  "You look like you just saw a ghost. You OK?!"

"It is just my ex prefers men to women,"  I stated.

"I know the fucking feeling," Jackie said.  "My first ex did that, too.  It sucks!!!"

"How did you cope," I asked.

"Well, I had a major depression  for about six months and had to be on medication for it, " Jackie said.  "Then I learned to play the hand Pam."

"That is  weird drum that looks like a ufo," I asked.  "It sounds nice."

"I had been playing it for a while, and yes, ot does loom like a ufo."

"Can you teach me,"  I asked.

"Sure I have many hand pans at my place," Jackie said.  "You can have one."

"Really," I said.  "I mean, I don't want to impose."

"Not at all."

"Let's get some  breakfast, and then you can show me your apartment," I said.

"Sounds good," Jackie said.

"I hope you like pancakes," my brother yelled from the kitchen.

We soon got out of my room, and I started to ask if we did it or not.

"Yes, we almost came close."

"I guess I moved on from Lilly," I asked.  "I mean, if we did it."

"You moved on," she smiled

We started eating and talking  about different things.  This was my first one, Nightstand.  That was also my second  relationship.

After we ate we went went to her apartment, which was the floor below.  Soon, i started to look at her Gothic apartment that was across from a goth girl's apartment and a hippie store.  That being said, I was amazed. 

She handed me this hand pan and told me tap it.  It had a rich sound, and I started to tap it at a rhythm. That being  said, I was soothed by the sound.

It was when I decided to take this up.  "You know you can make tune or sing to the sound."

"Now that it's all said and done

I can't believe you were the one

To build me up and tear me down

Like an old abandoned house

What you said when you left

Just left me cold and out of breath

I fell too far, was in way too deep

Guess I let you get the best of me

Well, I never saw it coming

I should've started running a long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure

I guess it's really over

I'm finally getting better

Now, I'm picking up the pieces

And spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through

I got over you

You took a hammer to these walls

Dragged the memories down the hall

Packed your bags and walked away

There was nothing I could say

And when you slammed the front door shut

A lot of others opened up

So did my eyes, so I could see

That you never were the best for me

Well, I never saw it coming

I should've started running a long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure

I guess it's really over

I'm finally getting better

Now, I'm picking up the pieces

And spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through

I got over you

Well, I never saw it coming

I should've started running a long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

Well, I never saw it coming

I should've started running a long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure

I guess it's really over

I'm finally getting better

Now, I'm picking up the pieces

And spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together (oh, ooh-oh, ooh-oh, yeah)

I'm putting my heart back together (oh, ooh-oh, ooh-oh, yeah)

'Cause I got over you (oh, ooh-oh, ooh-oh, yeah)

'Cause I got over you (oh, ooh-oh-oh)

I got over you

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through

I got over you. "

I sang, and I tapped the hand pan in rhythm. It was the only song I knew. Soon, I started to actually feel better about the situationship with Lilly. That was when I heard my brother's voice from above....."fucking sharks!!!"

His apartment was just above us.

"Shit, I got to go," I said, taking the hand pan. "Duty calls.... we have to kill these super sharks."

"I heard of them," Jackie said. "They are evil....."

"That I can agree with you on and many other things," i said, walking out with a new hand pan.

When I got to the floor above wh, ch was my brother's apartment. I blew. "What the hell!!!!"

"There are more sharks," Bryan said. "I don't know what to do."

"At this point, I don't care. I just want to play my new hamd pan," I whined. I went into my room and started to unzip the case and start playing.

That was when my brother started to ask me,"You don't care."

"No, I don't," I said. "I would if Lilly was here."

And soon I started to sing the same son,

"Now that it's all said and done

I can't believe you were the one

To build me up and tear me down

Like an old abandoned house

What you said when you left

Just left me cold and out of breath

I fell too far, was in way too deep

Guess I let you get the best of me

Well, I never saw it coming

I should've started running a long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure

I guess it's really over

I'm finally getting better

Now, I'm picking up the pieces...."

"You only cared because of Lilly," Bryan said, annoying me. "This is the fuckin g city."

"I just don't and you are annoying me,"

Soon I started to song againneith out being annoyed.

"Now that it's all said and done

I can't believe you were the one

To build me up and tear me down

Like an old abandoned house

What you said when you left

Just left me cold and out of breath

I fell too far, was in way too deep

Guess I let you get the best of me

Well, I never saw it coming

I should've started running a long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure

I guess it's really over

I'm finally getting better

Now, I'm picking up the pieces

And spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through

I got over you

You took a hammer to these walls

Dragged the memories down the hall

Packed your bags and walked away

There was nothing I could say

And when you slammed the front door shut

A lot of others opened up

So did my eyes, so I could see

That you never were the best for me

Well, I never saw it coming

I should've started running a long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure

I guess it's really over

I'm finally getting better

Now, I'm picking up the pieces

And spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through

I got over you

Well, I never saw it coming

I should've started running a long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

Well, I never saw it coming

I should've started running a long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you

I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure

I guess it's really over

I'm finally getting better

Now, I'm picking up the pieces

And spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together (oh, ooh-oh, ooh-oh, yeah)

I'm putting my heart back together (oh, ooh-oh, ooh-oh, yeah)

'Cause I got over you (oh, ooh-oh, ooh-oh, yeah)

'Cause I got over you (oh, ooh-oh-oh)

I got over you

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through

I got over you"

That was when my best friend. Tiffany said that I had a good voice. Beautiful almost. That was when I started to drum randomly on the handpan. I did know if I should be ashamed or what. But I just felt that way.

Soon, with the random tappings came melody. I was literally composing a song. Usually, you don't sing sing with a handpan. But I did.

The big dipper was twinkling

And twinkling tears

It was.....

I started to repeat these three lines three times and started to sing

Ot twinkles tears Because I screwed up.

I screwed up

Big time

Big time

Time and time again.

"The big dipper was twinkling

And twinkling tears

It was.....

The big dipper was twinkling

And twinkling tears

It was.....

The big dipper was twinkling

And twinkling tears

It was.....

Ot twinkles tears Because I screwed up.

I screwed up

Big time

Big time

Time and time again.

That being not figuratively

I screwed up.

I screw up

The big dipper was twinkling

And twinkling tears

It was.....

The big dipper was twinkling

And twinkling tears

It was.....

Ot twinkles tears Because I screwed up.

I screwed up

Big time

Big time

Time and time again.

Big time,"

I sang with all my heart. I started to wonder if I really got over the Lilly.